Son’s Navy Graduation

We went to the Great Lakes to see our son graduate naval boot camp. It was an emotional day for all of us. We got in to Chicago and seen my wife’s sister and husband and talked about things to do once we picked him up and was allowed leave. Only when we finally were able to pick him up he was so stressed out from trying to prove himself to us that he wasn’t enjoying the visit from us. All in all though I think we were able to let him know that we are very proud of him and that he should really loosen up and enjoy the experience. I mean its his new beginning; where he is coming out a brand new butterfly that just emerged from his cocoon.download (6)

We were so happy to see him in that group of sailors and of course after he finally did loosen up he had some experiences to share with us. I was great and we could definitely see a lot of growth in him. The Navy has a lot of structure and foundation for him to be able to utilize as he moves through the early stages of his career. We think he will thrive in that environment, he follows instruction very well. It has been great to see the transformation into the young man he has become. It will also be great to see the man he wants to become, he is right on track at this point. download (2)As many of us know though it isn’t always a straight line that we must travel to get to our final destination. There will be some mistakes and wrong turns and you must learn from them all even when we don’t want to or think we did.

Sunday was a much better day even though it was shortened because we had to get back to North Carolina. He was in great spirits when we left. It was hard for us having to leave him there knowing our only access to him was through his phone. It was really fun hanging out with him and other family in the Chicago area.

Cavaliers capture History for the city of Cleveland

The NBA finals were history making and a little of fairy tale. There were villains on both teams and darlings on both teams you had Draymond and his antics along with what Steph and the Warriors thought they were fighting the “Officials”. Tristan Thompson and Kyrie Irving did their jobs very well and at a high level too. It was the Warriors series to lose and lose they did, they made history all season long even in loss they made history. They were the first team ever in the history of the NBA to lose a finals series with a 3-1 lead on their opponent. The series itself was not that great though the way the game is played today is a little faster but more calls to get the offensive players loose to be able to score. Because that is what fans want to see is a high score, or so that’s what many of the spin-off shows sponsored by the league says anyway. The play was well a little more restrictive to me being a defensive minded player myself. That is why us older guys are not out there now. A lot of them are in a coaches’ role or some type of supporting role that gives the younger generation some toughness.

Hats go off to the Cavaliers for being able to pull something like this off. Coming from a 3-1 deficit against the team that won 73 games and only lost 9.


The Warriors though they have a tough summer to get through this year, to know that you had a team down 3-1 one and couldn’t finish them is really confidence drainer, even if you did win 73 games in the regular season. This was the time to show that you are the team to beat and rest on your regular season reputation. Everybody who has played basketball at any level knows that you have to take the wins no one gives them to you. They didn’t take what they wanted, Steph shot jump shots he has the same ball control as Kyrie but he didn’t use it. He could have gotten in the lane just as Kyrie did but he didn’t. When in the final series of the season all the injuries and everything go out the window. I know the organizations are worried about their stars but they also want that championship if their star can get it to them. The Warriors stars could have given their city another championship. I think they bailed on the hard work that it was going to take to get over the hump called the Cavaliers. It was almost apparent that as the Warriors got even the slightest lead in any of the games after the first two they were going to coast. I don’t think that was Coach Steve Kerr’s thoughts but the players other than Green yeah. Klay is too talented a player as well as Steph, the others in Igoudala, Barnes, Livingston, Barbosa all of these guys disappeared after the first two games. How can that be after the chemistry that was built all season long of playing together and getting other teams to play your way. They did push the tempo enough in games to get out in transition and make the Cavaliers chase them as they had made teams do all season long. This was not the team that everyone watched all season. I will not bail them out either this is their job to play at a high level for an entire season not just for the regular season. What a miserable end to a season that saw you guys make history.


Cleveland congratulations at making history LeBron made everyone believe that they had the magic ticket and they did against the behemoth machine that had been destroying every team that stepped in front of them all season long including themselves. The Warriors had a system but they bought into the Cavaliers system trying to play as they do but without the length. The Cavaliers capitalized on every mistake the Warriors made as they should have. I have to say as many others are probably saying this morning that I actually thought the Warriors were going to win the series. I really did but the Cavaliers proved they wanted it more than the Warriors did. LeBron and the Cavaliers knew all too well what the sting of losing felt like and they wanted no part of that again, like he said “This is finals whatever I have to do and however it has to be done, I don’t care” We won. You can’t say it better than that. Celebrate Cavaliers everyone will be chasing you next year. Every game in your arena will be like a playoff game it will feel great enjoy it guys.

Till next post, this has been,

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Struggle and Strife is as much a part of life as breathing

So-Many-Struggle-With-FaithI have learned that the conversations and the difficulties that we all have in our lives is necessary and for our benefit. If we didn’t have them how could we ever become the man or woman that we were put here to be. Hope must be something that is in our hearts, that is our connection to our faith which then connects to God.

Inner conflict is the biggest struggle that a lot of us have. When you have to ask yourself questions about should I be here, is this one of the best situations I have put myself in. These are only a few of the questions we ask ourselves as we fight with what we perceive to be a sticky situation. As you get older you don’t have to ask yourself these questions, because you have had enough experiences that you can draw from to make the correct choices. I have to honestly say I have begun to trust GOD and beginning to let go.

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Now when we turn from that path or we never nail down one true thing that we want to pin our hopes and dreams to we can’t ever see any benefits. The way we normally do things from childhood is like this example: Going to school – Doing this ritual teaches us a lot of things; while we are experiencing it we meet new friends other than close family, we learn a little about the world, a little about where we come from, etc…. Those that quit school don’t stop learning they just move into a different struggle. School prepares you with a foundation to build on. Without it we struggle to get a few of the basic meanings that we should already know. Everyone struggles and everyone has strife. It is how you choose to accept and fight for what you feel is needed in your life. The education analogy is very pointed. It shows the very rawest of materials that we all need to function in this world at a high level.quote-Pope-Paul-VI-all-life-demands-struggle-those-who-have-1-58120

I always tell my children that there is no easy way to the top the stairs. The route you take is how you learn on your way, if you skip a few steps it could come back to bite you. reason being you can’t reproduce how you got to where you are currently. It was handed to you; you didn’t have to struggle for it. You learn everything from struggling throughout life for however long we are allowed to be here on this earth. Strife is what happens when you don’t really get along with individuals that you come in contact with. This is always going to happen because each individual has their own struggle. I let them know that they must align themselves with people with struggles similar to theirs. This way they can constantly move forward without someone causing stoppages in their journeys. One cannot be had without the other.

The piece that I have had the biggest problem with is struggling to move on from certain relationships. Having been on different paths in my life there have been a couple of things and people who I had problems moving on from. When you have success with something even though you may not be very successful monetarily it is a success. Basketball was one where I had success not much monetarily as they have now but great friendships and knowledge transfers happened during that time. I learned more than I earned but it was a balance a huge balance that gave me a kind of peace for that time in life. That struggle passed kind of easily after I began to age because sports of any kind are for the young. Not something that I struggled to move from but a struggle to find that same balance in other area of life. tumblr_mk819isbVL1s9u3jeo1_500People however is an entirely different animal. Some of the questions I had surrounding people I have figured out through struggling and reading the bible and going to church that all who you meet and commune with cannot go on to your destination with you. Your groups will need to be trimmed to those who are about you and helping others follow the messages from the bible. Struggle is a journey one that I am beginning to appreciate more and more each day.

Without these two things we cannot ever see who we are meant be. Tests are what life is about, the people around you test you, your family tests you. Enjoy the struggle and try to live as Christ did.

 

Warriors Green Suspended

This is what is on my mind about the NBA Finals. KiKi Vandeweghe a player from an earlier playing era, has levied a punishment on a player for reacting to something that no player in any league even himself would have allowed to happen to themselves. The rules are the rules I get that; we must also look at the aggravated behavior of what caused the action as well.

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LeBron James, Scottie Pippen and others have executed this move and had nothing happen to them throughout the history of the game. OK, so Draymond and LeBron are tangled center court, I am not sure if there was a pain-point in either of their shoulders during this all I know is Draymond went down. Now with this fall comes something so disrespectful to another player. LeBron steps over Draymond. When this is taking place Draymond acts accordingly. In the aftermath once all is said and done the criticism begins and not on the one who steps over the other person while mind you he is actually getting up from the floor itself. Patrick Ewing was still down. This guy was up on one knee about to stand. How is this OK?

LeBron says after everyone has seen what he did that he wasn’t trying to disrespect Draymond he was just trying to get back into the game. Yeah right, he knew what stepping over this guy would do totally. Kiki you did not do what correct for the play and you and everybody else know it. You made a company decision, that should have ended that night right after the play ended as it did that night. To me I don’t think the Warriors will fracture behind this but this is why it was done for TV ratings the more people watch the more money the NBA makes. I still think the Warriors win tonight. For the simple reason that they play basketball as a team. Not too much one-on-one play where one guy holds the ball for most of the shot clock and then passes out to an unsuspecting player on the same team and is expected to make or create a great shot. They move the ball around which causes Mitch-matches on the floor because of the chaos that the ball movement creates.

Cleveland fans I am sorry for your loss, my condolences. Just wanted to get that out of the way before tonight.

Till next post, this has been,
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Warriors vs. Cavs

Warriors vs. Cavs – Game 1

First I fell asleep on the game but awoke to find that the Warriors won without the outstanding play of their two stars. The bench mob as they like to be described came in and did their jobs. Lebron was and always will be Lebron but Kyrie and Kevin have to find their places in the game on the defensive end to make this a good series.

The Cavs played great against eastern conference talent that couldn’t really match them. Now though they are on the NBA Finals stage where to win it all you have to beat the best in the west as well. Well the Cavalier’s haven’t played well in the west all year-long. The games they won were nail biters, sure those are the games that bring team chemistry upfront in the locker room, but there has to be a total buy in from all involved. The Cav’s as long as they were tearing up the eastern conference looked like the eastern version of the Warriors. Now facing them the actual Warriors they have backslid to their old ways partially. I would love to see the Larry O’Brien trophy on the east coast again; however the Warriors aren’t going to just give it to them.

Stephen and Klay are two of the best in the NBA, with a bench that is down right awesome when at home. Stephen is from my area and I like the kid. He has moved to the west coast and become quite the player for the western side of the NBA. I like how the teams play in the final series of the playoffs. It would be great if that same play was exhibited throughout the entire season. I know it is a lot for them to do. Especially with the rule changes.

I think this will be a great series though. May the best team win.

Tough Relationship Conversation

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couple_in_bed_upsetConversations about your personal physical relationships are sometimes hard, I know that when I need to have a conversation of this nature I get really nervous. Yes, nervous; a conversation like this puts you in a vulnerable position it brings up a mountain of emotions that are tough to handle because of the unknown capabilities of the conversation that is to take place. There is a certain uneasiness that goes with these conversations. I think I know where my nerves come from, they come from a place where rejection exists. Even in marriage there is rejection. The rejection I speak of is the obligation of marriage to one another. I think it is what happens after we allow the relationship to go stale. Kids, aging parents and grandparents, personal advancements, etc.… All of these things can and will cause us to do just what we are obligated to do for our spouses. Marriage to me is not obligatory it is very deliberate meaning that we made a choice to love our spouses in front of God and our families. It’s painful I know and scary of what may happen if we continue to try to our spouse doesn’t reciprocate it. Obligation is like being on auto-pilot, you know what you are supposed to do but you don’t put your all into it; you just oblige your spouse because that is what you think you are supposed to do. What I can say is that anything that causes pain for another human is not Christ like. So getting angry and handling things for yourself and hurting another individual is not what Christ wants any of us to do. In some of my past blog posts I have spoken of conversation in the relationship. This still holds true in the strongest fashion; you see it is not necessarily anything biological that is need to sustain life but having a physical relationship with your spouse let both of you know that you are wanted by the other. If the physical relationship you have is not what you need then have a conversation about it. If no middle ground can be met, then maybe counseling needs to happen. Maybe the relationship needs to be resolved whatever the decision it “the conversation” needs to happen between the two of you. Speaking with friends, barbers, your crew will only mount confusion and skew those groups to your favor. physical

I can tell you this though not having that conversation and just cheating or sneaking around, not only hurts the spouse in the relationship with you; it hurts you as well. The reason is that you are lying to yourself if you think that handling the situation in this way is OK and that in a nutshell is poisonous to you. Marriage is sacred and if you ever want to know for yourself that everything has been done by you and your spouse you must see it through to ever exhaustible end. If the physical part of the relationship is not where you think it should be. You are feeling neglected, alone, unconnected let your spouse know. Things are not going to change overnight though in fact it will take a lot of time for any noticeable action to show up in the relationship. Keep talking and making requests not demands. You want conversations not situations where ultimatums are being blasted around to the other, that isn’t going to help either of you.

best_relationshipWe are only as strong as the bonds we make within our relationships. If there is no bond then there is no trust, if there is no trust then there can and will be no relationship. Hanging out with shallow people and just doing things that are un-fulfilling and unwarranted. These things will only prolong your agony which in turn makes you think that someone else is doing something to you personally. I am just spit bawling here possibly rambling too, but we have to have faith that things happen for a reason. Once we choose to believe we will be blessed abundantly, this does not mean that you become a door mat to someone though. Conversation is just the opposite it shines light into those dark corners and keeps them out and from being able to hide. Having the confidence to have these conversations is hard sometimes. The rejection is a component of fear, having a stale relationship is not good but having a conversation about it can possibly make it fresh again. I only speak what is on my heart at any given time, for those that are going through some of these situations ask for the strength to handle it because it will not be taken away. It is your cross to bear until it is time to lay it down. Conversations enable you the power to put something down. So don’t hold your tongue have those tough conversations, use them to keep those dark places out of your marriages and relationships.

 

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Stephen Curry the man

As a basketball player he has a bit of magic with him. In this era that is being played today he is the embodiment of what the NBA has become. The last couple of holdouts have left or are leaving “Kobe Bryant” and “Tim Duncan” even Kevin Garnett. All things are about change even the NBA. If the game was still being played like it had been in previous seasons a lot of the guys that are headliners now wouldn’t be.

Curry however is a part of this era, his work ethic is great and he is being rewarded for it. I am sure his dad is very proud of what he has been able to accomplish but also as the rest of the basketball is doing thinks about how much the league has changed. Has the changes been for the better and not just because his own sons are slight of frame and able to benefit from the changes in the rules. Being a dad we can have rose-colored glasses when it comes to our kids. Having held a position in the same work place but at a different era we all know he reflects. The league just as everything does changes. Stephen though has transcended a lot of the boundaries that many never thought he would. His believe in himself and his creator is what I think gives him an edge. He met his wife in a Christian camp his second coach was a Christian minister from New York. Faith is all around him and what he does.

The NBA is not a workplace where not believing in yourself is going to be beneficial to you. I mean if you do have the utmost confidence in your own personal capabilities, you will still need a lot more to be a dominant force in the NBA. It is what you do with the dominance that allows you to be special. Curry could be arrogant, glory hogging, and self-proclaimed basketball god. He does not carry himself that way nor was he raised to be that man either. To be a smaller player and be considered a dominant player is where you know he has a little magic and a lot faith. I like comparing him to Allen Iverson. No they are nothing alike physically but their determination and drive and their belief in the creator are almost picture perfect. To be a smaller guy in the NBA you have to be special and give the glory to the father above and that is what both of them did and are doing. Curry has taken the league by storm and showing what having faith in Christ will do for you. He has to believe in his self we all do; but when we see the things that we are able to do and we know we didn’t do alone and honoring the one who has held your hand through all of it is the best reward any of us can hope to see as an example. There have been a lot of bigger and stronger players but not many that have humbled themselves or the humility of Stephen Curry. He doesn’t care about the accolades he cares about playing the game the right way.

I as a fan only hope that he continues the same practices throughout the rest of his life to be that light that Christ has asked us to be; to bring the most guarded heart to Christianity. He is using his blessings to show the power of Christ.

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Marital Blessings Continued

Talking on the subject of submission to one another is always the best way. I think that we as humans put so much emphasis on what the woman should do and not think so much as to what we as men should do for our women. We should make them feel comfortable, safe, and wanted. It is up to us to make sure that they make a path to Christ and join us in that walk with him. One of the best blessing that God has given us in marriage is the gift of speech. With it we can ask things of one another, we can request things from one another, but we must not ever demand anything from one another. This is disrespectful and will be received just as it was given, like the anger and resentment that was used to spout those words you will receive the same back.

If we are to be successful in our marriages, then we must use our words. I must use my words to build her up, not tear her down. I was at one-time was sending Praise and Uplift texts to my wife letting her know what I noticed about her and how much I respected her for it. Life and family has since slowed that down but when I remember you can believe that I get something to her that will keep her spirits up. I cherish her and the strength that she brings to the marriage. These are the things that we must do in order to strengthen each other. Outside forces are going to try to tear you apart and will if given the chance. You as a couple must fight together to ensure that the bond you had on our wedding day still exist throughout the time of your lives. I know our marriage has taken it shots but we are still here and trying to maintain that bond. As we age their will our parents aging and us needing to help there and kids getting married and them trying to hold their bonds together as well. All of this will try to make a wedge between the two of you. We must hold strong and keep the communication lines open with one another’s spouse or partner so that we know where we stand and what is going on.

It is our blessing to outlive our parents and if we have the means to help and aid in their aging process then do that whatever that may be. If you cannot afford to do so financially then do what you can to help it don’t make it have to be a financial burden to your family. Even if you can afford it again communicate that with your spouse or partner. All of these blessings may not seem like blessings while they are happening but we must all remember that we are going through this portion of our life to be a blessing to someone else at another time. Being married is a huge blessing, so its best to be happy and cause the devil pain and shame. Show your strong Christianity traits and spread the word of how Christ has blessed you and your family. That is a purpose that we must bear and live. So be that blessing to someone today.

 

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Explanations of the implications of The New HB2 Law

The new law is a force that has to be reckoned with. Reading over a note from my company’s CEO that states that it added discrimination instead of deleting it sounds awfully wrong. Add on the fact that what is being publicized is about the use of restrooms by different sexed individuals just creates noise to the real issue at here. It is another ploy to keep you from thinking about the issues and worrying about the noise. The noise in this case is not as important as what is not being publicized. We have to get this out into the view of everyone.

This bill, which recently became law, declares that state law overrides all local ordinances concerning wages, employment and public accommodations. Under HB2, state law now prevents local communities from passing their own laws prohibiting discrimination against any group that is not named in the state law. North Carolina cities may not pass any law prohibiting discrimination based on, for example, sexual orientation, in public accommodations, employment or pay. Further, HB2 stipulates that people must use multiple occupancy restrooms consistent with the sex specified on their birth certificate, regardless of the gender with which they identify.

The big one here is the restrictions it puts on employment or pay in NC. When it comes to those things bathrooms are the least of my worries I am not sure about the rest of NC though. Looking at some of the NEWS footage that has been put on television people are more outraged about the bathroom issue than with how it can affect their employment rights as individuals or even their pay. NEWS outlets are there to report the news they do not however break down the laws that could be of importance to you. It is up to you to perform that for yourself. If you are able to understand what is written to give the information away freely and update the masses. So that they can know as well. I have researched it and I now understand it and I have the words that helped me understand it listed below in this blog post for you to see for yourself. I looked through several media outlets and the wording was different but the same content was implied. I chose the easier to read one here.

Law professor Brian Clarke had this to say:

Many have reached out to WBTV for a deeper explanation of what the law means.

“HB2 affects everyone,” said law professor Brian Clarke. Clark said if you face discrimination at work, you can no longer go straight to the courthouse and sue your employer.

“Trying to put it in normal human terms rather than in civil procedure terms – it’s much easier to file a case in state court,” Clarke said.

HB2 delivered on what state lawmakers promised.

“It creates a state-wide non-discrimination ordinance and public accommodations which we’ve never had before, which is a perfectly good thing to do,” Clarke said. “But it, of course, limits the protection categories to race, age, national origin, religion, color and biological sex to avoid any potential expansion of that in the courts.”. He goes on to say that the law goes beyond the stated goals. “Then it deals with employment, so it deals with things that are utterly unrelated to LGBT rights, to bathroom usage, to public accommodations. And it deals specifically and directly with employment,” Clarke said.

The law addresses the minimum wage, and does not allow any local government to set a minimum wage.

“The legislature took that power expressly away, so forbade any local government from raising the minimum wage beyond what federal and state law require,” Clarke said.

Clarke teaches employment law at the Charlotte School of Law after being an employment lawyer for 11 years. He says one sentence in the law was very big.

The law states, “This Article does not create, and shall not be construed to create or support, a statutory or common law private right of action, and no person may bring any civil action based on the public policy expressed herein.”

“In a very hidden way, it eliminated the ability for employees in North Carolina to file claims under state law for employment discrimination on the basis of race, sex, national origin, color and age,” Clarke said, “And that’s a right that North Carolina employees have had since 1982… and it’s gone.”

Clarke said North Carolina is now only one of two states that don’t provide these employment protections.

“Mississippi has never had a state anti-discrimination law. We had one and had one since 1977, but now we don’t anymore. The words are still in the statute book but there’s no way to enforce them,” Clarke said.

Proponents of the law point to the federal protections, but Clarke says the remedy under federal and the old state law were not the same.

“Under federal law you have 180 days to go to the EOCC [Equal Employment Opportunity Commission]. Under North Carolina law, as it existed before HB2, if you were fired based on discrimination you had three years to file that claim. You didn’t have to go to any government agency you just went and filed your claim at the courthouse,” Clarke said.

The old state law also allowed an employee to file within three years versus the federal law that state within 180 days. Also, under the federal law, Clarke explained there are caps on damages up to $300,000. The state law had no cap.

“I was a management side employment lawyer for more than a decade, and I can’t see the ‘why,'” Clarke said.

A couple of weeks ago, Representative Dan Bishop – who drafted the law – said the federal system still protects people. Governor McCrory has also said HB2 does not take away any rights.

Clarke disagrees. He told his students that the lawsuit the LGBT community has filed could only allow the courts to overturn the parts of HB2 dealing with those rights.

“Even if that lawsuit is successful, the rights taken away on the employment side of things are not going to be affected,” Clarke said. “Those are the law unless they are specifically repealed.”

North Carolina has even been poked fun at because of this law which makes the slap that was given to us by this law even greater. Comedian Trevor Noah had these comments and more to say.The Daily Show with Trevor NoahGet More: The Daily Show Full Episodes,The Daily Show on Facebook,The Daily Show Video Archive

I can’t see this law being a success. The rights being taken away on the employment side alone warrant it being quashed and re-written to properly reflect clear changes that have to do with the LGBT community only. Leave the other pieces of legislature out of this. These things should be separate and not lumped together but as I said the LGBT portion of the law was just white noise. The other was just supposed to slip in un-noticed. NC this is the real reason companies are not coming to NC not because of a bathroom law but because of discrimination and employment laws that are within this law as well. I hope we wake up and get a repeal for this law. This is crazy.

Till next post, this has been,


 

Welcoming Marriage Blessings –

Very Welcoming and Thankful of Marital Blessings

These are the words that I speak to myself when I feel run down from different situations that a dad, husband and friend must shoulder. Jesus I need you. I need your wisdom and guidance. hqdefaultI need you to walk with me through this time, I have no need for you to strike the desire from me at all. I want to be able to understand and withstand the challenges that I will face going forward. I know with you in my life helping me to become a more righteous person I will succeed. I am more than just a conqueror I am a child of God. I will overcome what is thrown at me and my family and be stronger for having gone through it.

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I do wish at times that this burden I am about to share was not mine but I do not wish it to be taken away now that have it. I only ask for the strength to withstand it, the knowledge to overcome it, and the words and platform to help another who may in the future have to go through something like this.

 

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There have been things that I have gone through in my life that I know were self-inflicted. I have taken things that didn’t belong to me, I have sped down the highways of our state, I have said things against others. All of those acts are things that will have repercussions involved with them; meaning I will have to deal with what happens from those actions that I did. When you feel that you, yourself haven’t done anything to warrant an action being placed upon you feel attacked but you don’t know where the fight is coming from, so you can’t really defend yourself. Well that is what it feels like when you are in love with your spouse and it is not reciprocated in the fashion that you send it out. Here is more background on this type of issue. Everyone has a certain way of giving and receiving love. Everyone does whether you realize it or not you do. Knowing that and moving forward with the conversation say you are trying to make sure that your spouse feels loved across the entire spectrum. From this vantage point you feel accomplished and confident that you are putting the correct vibes out into the world to receive hopefully what you need from your spouse. OK here is where it gets sticky at. Even though you thought the love that you sent out was self-explanatory, what you expect to get back may not match what you sent out. The reason for this I have found is that your spouse has a different way of expressing their love towards you. Even though you send everything out; the gifts, acts of service, the conversation and words of affirmation, the affection and physical touch, and quality time. They may only need a couple of those to feel loved. Well say you need words of affirmation but are not getting them from your spouse. stock-photo-she-prefers-read-126242366A conversation needs to happen same thing with any of the other languages of love that you need. I am a person who likes to spend quality time and show affection and physical touch with my spouse. Well my spouse likes for acts of service to be performed, meaning helping with the boys, cooking and cleaning and getting to those things that she cannot, and spending quality time as the second narrative for her to feel loved. Well I have sent out a lot searching for her language. Found out that she is receiving what she needs to feel loved. I on the other hand because of the problem we have may only receive a little of what I need and this over a period of time can build up and cause a rift if not talked about. stock-photo-unsatisfied-couple-problems-troubles-in-bedroom-lying-in-bed-insomniac-husband-wife-301507700I am not a relationship expert and do not claim to be at all. However, the practices that we all can do are so simple. Just having a conversation about how you have been feeling lately. The conversation should be uninterrupted and the spouse that is speaking never should be judged for those feelings. The other spouse should listen intently. Then the other spouse gets to let you know how they are feeling and you should listen intently. If there is anything that you know of that can be changed pretty quickly for your spouses benefit do so. If it will take time and some healing on your part needs to take place, then inform your spouse of it. Again allowing conversation to keep the spouse knowledgeable of your intent for the relationship.

We have been in a continuous loop for a while where we didn’t know what the other needed to feel loved in our marriage. Now that we know there are a few difficulties that will need to be worked out. There will need to be a third-party involved at some part for myself, I know this much already. I also know now that my spouse doesn’t believe. I don’t believe that she doesn’t want to but she really needs help to adjust her thinking from self to Christ. Once she gets there she will begin to see the wonderful grace that is given to us all. Conversation has really just begun for us but I am sure there are others out in the world that have this portion of their relationships down cold. It will take patience and planning to have this work for us.

I know though as long as I hold out hope for us we will overcome this together. There haven’t been any transgressions against the other or anything like that just an array of emotions that have gone unchecked for too long.stock-vector-vector-heart-flowed-from-unrequited-love-400171984

The conversations we have had are about what I need from her. The need for physical touch is what I need, however she is not a willing participant. I have found out that she is a woman who suffers from no libido or no sex drive. This is posing a challenge for me being a man who would like to have a physical relationship with his wife. There has been earnest talk about what can be done but talking to a person with this affliction proves to be very difficult. You see they don’t have any understanding anymore of what this means because they themselves no longer desire it. So you can imagine the conversations that we have surrounding this issue. I have tried several times in tears to let her know my feelings. Again without a desire for it herself she really has no emotional attachment or anything to me or our now non-existent sex life.

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The things that I have found out are very alarming surrounding the female libido.

30% of women age 18 – 44

45% of women age 45 – 64

80% of women age 80 and older

The physical dips could be tied to a number of things, other than just physical desire. While for most women, the disappearance of a physical relationship could be due to a demanding lifestyle (high demand on a personal time that leaves them feeling less than rockin’ in the marital bedroom). Once a pleasurable physical relationship goes out the window, it tends to make becoming physical with your spouse even more challenging to work through because negative associations can pile up from stressful encounters. The problems that we are experiencing could be because of a few of the items above that I listed. Whatever the reason you two should follow-up with another. Support one another whatever the reason now our problem is because of no sexual desire or physical touch from my wife.

For your issue it could be you the male of the relationship with low testosterone, erectile dysfunction, or you could be over stressed from work. Again any number issues can plague us as well. With conversation and support from one another and an adjoining life with Christ you can make a strong and righteous link back to one another again. The research which is hard to find on women is there in black and white in some of the medical journals. This is going to be a huge problem for the faithless if something is not done. Faith in each other and Christ has to be what strengthens you. I have a strong faith today, I also know that at some point I will need to go and speak with someone about the issues I am having with not having a physical relationship with my wife. The thought of it makes me second guess my strength. Being strong does not mean that we shoulder everything by ourselves, we have to be able to share our experiences. This helps us in our healing and may help someone else later.

So this is not a problem just for us but for our son’s as well. I think constantly what to tell them if they confide in their father about such an issue. I want to have some sort of resolution for them other than just buckle up son. It is a helpless feeling that seems to have no end it really is. My spouse does not offer any conversation about our issue only saying that she just doesn’t want to. This drives me crazy because it is not like I am asking for her to be physical all the time. I want the quality of what sex and being together brings to a relationship. That closeness and tenderness; all of it has dried up for now. I don’t question why I am still here in the marriage because I made the vows to her and our lord and savior to hold them true. Couples there is no resource on the internet, there are only people who wish to sell you something for your spouse that probably will not work. The best efforts that I can think of have to come from within each of you and your walk with Christ. If you have not begun to walk with him and are in this situation there will be a limitless time of hopelessness. As far as the internet goes you could probably find people there to talk about the problem with. That is about it. aid339172-728px-Increase-Libido-Step-7I can tell you this to get a resolution about the problem the best person to speak with about the problem is the person in the relationship with you.

I know it may sound very cruel and hard what I am personally going through. We all have things that we have to bear in this life; this just happens to be mine. I did not write this for sympathy but as a testimony to being made stronger to be able to be tested through this trial. You cannot give up; to give up is to admit failure, and to admit failure without having exhausted every option is just cowardice in my eyes. I will continue to work on this with my wife in hope that a resolution will surface for us. When it does we will be happy to share with the masses. I am sure for those of you that are walking in faith as I am, that you know this will not be an easy task. Saying you have faith is easy living faithful is the trial and where the blessing will come in at. Anything that is truly tested is always made stronger for it.

Thanks for reading there will be more posts on this so check back,