Women Today…

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wonderful parents and son in an autumn garden. yellow autumn leaWomen today have options my mom and hers didn’t have. The women of today can work and have a family, the so-called having it all mantra that so many women have coveted. Then why is it that so many women are so unhappy? The conflict within is what I believe causes the unhappiness of those few unhappy ladies. There isn’t a balance created for themselves while they are acquiring and learning to be all of who they are.
I watched my mom as I grew up and noticed that once we were all at an age where we could help take care of the others she went to work outside of the home. Before that she was all about us kids. So what then happens when a woman is not allowed that choice? What if she wants the husband, the kids, and the career; gets it all and doesn’t know how to manage it all. What then? Is she going to need therapy to be able to deal with all that she encounters or will she just naturally know how to cope with all that has been thrust upon her?
I now see my wife and she has the big three and has a struggle to juggle things or keep all of the balls in the air at the same time. What do you do? What is sacrificed to have it all for women? Life is its own predictor of certain things it makes you choose; you may see a buffet but something is going to be left on the plate if you pile it too high. How do you cope with it all too? There are lots of little things pulling and tugging at you guys daily and that is even before you get to any of the three that are so coveted. Yes I mean yourself you guys forget about yourselves and just bury into life and trying to live the dream the way society wants you to. Well I want to tell my wife and other women to live life where it fits to what makes you comfortable. Have the conversations with your spouse delegate as much as you can. I know that is a challenge because only you can do it most times.

It would be great to hear thoughts on this topic,

 

Till next post, this has been,040616_1823_WelcomingMa1.jpgPost

In a relationship, married or not… YOU SHOULD READ THIS!

In a relationship, married or not… YOU SHOULD READ THIS!

MARRIAGE

Reposted to this site – April 29, 2015 at 2:13pm

 

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsidethe door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.– At least, in the eyes of our son— I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

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Article 36 – Praise and Uplift for my Beautiful Wife

I love you baby. Keep your presence in your running groups it is paying off. I know you are tired but you are way less stressed running than not running.

You have found an exercise regimen that works for you. Now all you need is to add some strength training to your workout.

Stay Positive Always,

Article 33 – Praise and Uplift for my Beautiful Wife

Babe I wanted to uplift you today for all that you are in my life. You are my best friend, my wife, mother to our children, loan processor, CFO, etc…..

You are a lot to us and I just wanted you to know it.

Love you way more,

Article 27 – Praise and Uplift for My Beautiful Wife

Feeling very overwhelmed right now.

Babe you have tried your best to be strong during this time of being unemployed. I commend you for trying it is fine to be upset I was and at certain points of the day I am all over again. You are a very strong woman who has tried to bring strength to her husband. You don’t have to try and put on a face for me at all.

I appreciate all you have tried to do. I love you and hopefully we get through this soon.

Love you,

(8)

 

 

Article 1 – Grown-Up Relationship Conversation

Feeling overwhelmed with the loss of my job.

You and I have been very distant to each other and if I don’t come and touch you physically I don’t think there would ever be any physical ties between us. It is hard to pull the energy together to keep approaching and keep approaching. Yes we are going through things yes your body has changed, yes life is always moving us about but we said to one another with family and everyone watching that we had each others back. I got your back but I have been feeling left out in the cold for a long while. I think you need to step up more and show me you are still here.

I am here as I am always going to be; just seems like I am always holding a manikins hand or giving a manikin a hug there is not ever anything there for me.

I have waited and waited and waited how much longer do I need to wait? I love you so much and want so much for us and really working hard to see everything through. Family time is great, kids events great but when its just you and I; I always feel tension. You say lets just do it but when you have no enthusiasm about us, you just roll over to your back how am I suppose to see that?

Your loving husband,

(8)

 

 

 

5 Reasons You Should Have Sex With Your Husband Every Night

This is a pretty good article that I read from a post on facebook that a friend of mine had posted from Huffington Post it has some nice points that as a guy you know and see; you just hope against hope that it will work out for you as a couple. It takes a lot of strength as guy to deal with this. Not every guy can but I am sure there are some that can..

Give it a Read,

Arthur Poston Jr.

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5 Reasons You Should Have Sex With Your Husband Every Night

LOVE SEX

I was getting a manicure the first time I learned that not all wives want to, ahem, go for a roll in the hay with their husbands. I was 16 and had picked out orange nail polish (oh, sixteen). I had a book with me but it wasn’t long before I found another source of entertainment. In-between buffings and polishings, the two women next to me talked about how much their husbands wanted IT and how little they wanted to give IT.

For a girl that had not even been asked out on a date this was a whole new world. I had a suspicion that their experience was more realistic than the articles I sneaky read in Cosmo while getting my hair done at the salon. (I am supposed to put my hand WHERE? while simultaneously doing WHAT?) So I kept my eyes on my book, let the words blur into lines and listened closely.

“Doesn’t he know how tired I am by the end of the day? As if after the kids are finally asleep I have the energy to do anything but sit down and watch some TV.”

“For me, it isn’t even the energy it takes. I am still losing weight from the baby. I don’t feel sexy. I can hardly undress in front of a mirror, let alone in front of him. I honestly think it is selfish that he expects me to pretend to feel something that I don’t.”

“Selfish? That’s a good word. Maybe if he took care of the kids when he got home or made dinner once in a while I would be more interested. Hell, just pick up the milk on the way home from work. I am not asking for much. Now that I think about it, I don’t think we have done it in the last three weeks.”

“Yeah. It’s been at least two for us.”

Wait. These women were married…they lived with a guy….who slept in their bed. They could have sex all the time! And they didn’t want to? It made no sense. It was like turning down a zero calorie but as delicious-as-creme-brulee dessert. (Or at least I assumed. At that point everything I knew about romance was gleaned from Anne of Green Gables and Moulin Rouge.)

How sad. How wasteful. How stupid. When I got married, I would always want to have sex with my husband! And I would never be too tired. My goodness, it was just ridiculous to want him to bring home a gallon of milk just to prove he cared. Wasn’t it just like a woman to make a grocery run a test of love. As the final coat of polish was applied to my nails, I swore to never be like them. My life would be different. I would be better. I would never feel too fat or too tired. Ever.

And then I grew up.

Intercourse, carnal knowledge, lovemaking, knocking boots, coitus, SEX! is everything 16 year old me imagined plus a little whipped cream on top. (Whipped cream, see what I did there?) And once Riley and I got married there was lots and lots and lots of it. Then we had a baby and I really was just so tired my bones hurt. And for a while I did feel fat. Even after I lost the pregnancy weight everything just looked different. Like a cut flower that has been left out in the sun, still lovely just a little…wilted. I became a little distant. We started to fall asleep without talking or kissing.

Then one day while washing dishes, I realized that we had gone eight days without touching each other. Eight days was a quite some time for us. But the thing that bothered me the most was that I hadn’t missed it. And I knew that was a problem. So that night after we put the baby to bed, I gave Riley my best come hither glance. Yes, I was tired and felt about as desirable as the “feed the birds” lady in Mary Poppins. But while drying the dishes, it occurred to me that 16 year old Meg must have understood something about sex that 20-something Meg had forgotten. And maybe, just maybe it was worth remembering.

Without further ado here are five reasons you should have sex with your husband every night:

1. Being a mother, one of the ultimate expressions of womanhood, can often leave a girl feeling stripped of her femininity. There is something about being covered in spit up and attending to the every need of another human being that makes one feel distinctly gender neutral. Most of my days are spent playing with dolls, wiping baby food off of my clothes, changing diapers, wiping snot off of my clothes, going to the park, and wiping what-the-heavens-is-that off of my clothes. There is something restorative about kissing the boy you love. There are times in Riley’s arms when I remember who I am before I even realize I have forgotten. Yes, I am a cook, cleaner, teacher, and wiper of all things disgusting. But I am also something more, something delightful and completely apart from my roles. I am a woman! And there is potential and depth and heck, I am pretty darn good kisser, too. It is a lovely thing, finding yourself through the touch of someone else.

2. If you want your husband to act like a man, you need to treat him like a man. Hold the eye rolls. I am not pushing for a return to the 1950′s. (Although, heaven knows an era in which low rise jeans did not exist is basically alright by me.) Women need any number of criteria met to feel loved. Men are far simpler. They need to be fed, they need to be appreciated, and they need to have sex. That is it. Really. So make or order dinner once in a while. Say thank you for the long hours spent at work with a hug and smile when he walks through the door each night. (Better yet? Smile as you hand him the kids and walk out the door for a long, much needed break.) And my goodness, let the poor man see you naked. It is astounding what a good man will do for a good woman that has made him feel loved. After a few weeks of meals and make outs, you will sit back and wonder why you didn’t insist on having sex every night sooner. Talk about a small investment and big returns.

3. You need to have a moment in each day that is just about the two of you. Remember that boy? The one that made your heart thump and hands sweat? The one that called when you hoped he would, that made you run hot and high up to the stars until you thought you would never come down? He is still there. Under the years and bills and worries, that smiling boy is still in love with and needs his smiling girl. Every night after the kids go to bed is a chance to find him again. A moment to remind yourself that you are living a picket fenced adventure and my goodness, there is nothing the two of you can’t do.

4. Sex relieves stress. I don’t know that this one needs much explanation. As a mother I eat stress for breakfast. So it seems to me I have a choice. I can let off steam by A) driving around at night and bashing in strangers mailboxes or B) I can get down and dirty with that one guy I married that one time. I choose option B. (So far the mailboxes in my neighborhood have escaped unscathed, so Option B must be working.)

5. It is so much blasted fun. Seriously. Why are we so quick to refuse the good things in life? We will slog through our children’s Algebra homework, do Zumba in public and pluck the hair from our body ONE PIECE AT A TIME. But tell a girl to have sex every night and she looks at you like you are crazy, An orgasm? Every night? What do I look like? A Nymphomaniacal Super Woman?

Where is the logic in that?

Are we really too busy doing dishes to participate in an activity that is so good it has inspired genius (that saucy Shakespeare) and changed history (Okay, Helen of Troy, we get it. You were super hot)? My goodness, what a crazy way to live. Ladies, did it ever occur to you (to us!) that we should have sex because WE DESERVE IT?

Yeah, you deserve it.

So, tonight put the kids to bed. Leave the dishes in the sink and the floors unswept. They will wait. Take a moment to remember that you are the girl you hoped you would be and then go find that boy and remind him that he is the man you knew he could be.

Rinse. Repeat.

 

 

Article 25 – Praise and Uplift for my Beautiful Wife

I want to uplift you today baby for enjoying yourself this past weekend. It felt good to me to see you enjoy yourself for a time. You needed that as much as Kristy and I am happy that she had the party here at our home. That way you had the comfort of home and didn’t feel detached from your immediate family. It was great and I am happy that I was able to be a part of your happiness this past week.

Love you way more babe,

(8)

 

Article 24 – Praise and uplift for my Beautiful Wife

I want to uplift you for being a sexy woman. You are beautiful and loving and quite lovely naked. You should be naked more. I love your shape, you see something else. I would love to undress you right now and have hot sweaty sex; but we may burn the bed down because of your heat flashes.

You know what I would love to see, hear, feel and know. I would love to know that you just couldn’t stand it without my sexy fat belly.

Love you baby,

(8)

 

Article 23 – Praise and Uplift for my Beautiful Wife

I want to uplift you today Karrie for being a wonderful companion. You make each day sweet to me even the days we have that are not so good.

I know you are struggling mentally to understand your body’s chemistry know that I am with you and will try to be as supportive as I can be. We have to get back on our schedule for exercising regularly; we can’t allow our schedules to dictate our needs.

Love you babe,
(8)